Behold

The window to the soul,
The lamp of everything that lies within,
The winding road of things left unsaid
Hopes, goals, dreams,
Recounted with but a glance
Happiness, joy, peace
Swing sets. . .
Chuck E. Cheese,
A far away land
Driving for hours,
Tears.
Needles
Spoons, forks, knives
Homemade meals,
A new pair of shoes
People, places, faces
Words and phrases
Photographs
A moment
Running, running, running,
Fingernails,
Dirty socks
Bubblewand
Summer days
Sidewalk chalk
Front steps, doorbell
Television,
Imagination
Together again,
Together at last
Break the chains, melt them away
How can He help you today?

Moderately distraught

Why is it that we spend so much time pointing other people's faults out, when we don't even know the situation that they're in? How come we're quick to point others out when they mess up or fall into sin, and then when they do repent in front of God and try to recuperate from their mess, we still doubt that there's been a change? Why is it that we're able to make excuses for ourselves and say "I'm not perfect", yet when others are genuinely trying to succeed in Christ and walk according to His will, we stick our feet out with our hypocritical expressions of self righteousness, via the instruments that are supposed to bring God praise: our mouths and our words. I think that sometimes we forget about the pit of despair that the Lord has set us free from, hence why a lot of us have been in the same place for years, wandering in circles, not being sure of where we started nor where we're going.

For this reason, I firmly believe that God permits us to fall, mess up, or be insulted by somebody, so that we recognize ourselves. Let me explain that again, I think that God lets us mess up so that we recognize that we are not perfect. He permits us to fall so that we recognize that we are just as much a sinner as the people who surround us, and He teaches us humility through quarrels, when people tell us things like "you think you're better than everyone else", or "you have favorites". Sometimes we get angry when someone hurts us, it's not a good feeling to get called out like that; but it's necessary! It helps us think "wow, is that true? Is that really the attitude that I'm portraying?" And in that situation, we are able to kneel in God's presence and say "wow, I'm sorry Lord, I don't wanna be like this, this person said that I act this way but I don't see it. . .change me, God!!" See? It humbles us. We recognize the error of our ways!

Sometimes we think "wow people talk a lot", but we have to change our mentality. Instead of saying they talk a lot we have to think "Lord, am I giving them a reason to talk?" We need to use every situation as an opportunity to step closer to God, regardless of what people say. People will always have something to say, but are you giving them the material? It's not about saying "I don't care" and proceeding in our pride and arrogance, it's about recognizing, reflecting, and renewing our minds as Paul says in Romans 12:2.

Those who believe, those who have been washed in the blood of the Lamb, we are all one body, one Spirit, one Faith, one Baptism, and we serve one God! Through Christ Jesus, we are all family, we are all soldiers in the army of the Lord. Why would you want to kill your family with the vile and despicable things that you have to say? You're destroying a part of you! Why would an infantryman turn his rifle on his brother? He'd be destroying himself, reducing the chance he has for victory in battle!!

My brothers and sisters, we are a team. Can we step back from our opinions of everyone else, just for a moment, to think about what our purpose is on this earth? And if we can't remember, maybe it's time we all just get on our knees and ask God.

"Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall."
-1 Corinthians 10:12.

"Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think any thing as of ourselves; but our sufficiency is of God. . ."
- 2 Corinthians 3:5

"But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord."
-2 Corinthians 3:18

The Lord is looking for genuine, humble people. People who recognize that God is love (1John 4:8), and want to be full of His presence, meaning be full of His love. We are all here to help each other out, but there is a fine line between helping and hindering. If you think someone is in the wrong, pray for them. There is not one thing hidden in the darkness that has not come to light. And if they are in sin, pray so that God may have mercy on their soul, so that they may repent from their ways and be able to serve God. It is not His will that anyone should perish, but that they may come to repentance through Christ Jesus. THAT is why He sent His son to die for us, and that is why we are still here.

The same way God had mercy on you and me, God can have mercy on others. He is God, remember, we're not in charge here. I could go on about this topic, but I'll leave it here for now. God bless!

Chivalry: no longer wanted

Remember back in the day when a man would hold open the door for a woman? And the woman, who was ever so grateful for such an act of kindness would walk through the door with a polite "thank you", smile and go on her way?

Yea, those days are GONE. And who's to blame? I think Helen Andelin describes it best when she says:

"If chivalry is dead, women have killed it. They have killed it by becoming capable, efficient, and independent, able to kill their own snakes. They prove by their strength and ability that they don't need masculine care and protection, that they are well able to take care of themselves. They commonly display their capacity to solve their own problems and fight their own battles. To awaken chivalry we must return to femininity. We must stop doing the masculine things and become the gentle, tender, dependent women we were designed to be, women who need masculine care and protection. When we do, men will delight in offering their chivalry."

And I agree. Somewhat. I am grateful for my female sisters for standing up and speaking out during the women's suffrage movement...but here's the thing, I think they went about it the wrong way. Okay, some women were being treated inferior and let's face it, that was wrong on society's part AKA men. It was wrong on men to interpret women's roles as that of less value, because in God's eyes, man is not better than woman, and vice versa.

"Will it be so hard to submit to someone who puts you ahead of himself, who would die for you? To someone who is one with you in more ways than the physical?"

Well. I'm sure I have upset a few people with that. But hey, God tells me I should submit to my husband then I am going to submit. Why not? I'm sorry but ladies, hear me out when I say that if you're going to be involved with a man, you need a man that is going to be the MAN in the relationship. He has a role, duty, and responsibility towards you, just as you have a role, duty, and responsibility towards him. Embrace it, it's a beautiful thing.

"Chivalry is in the hearts of many, many men - the only way it can be awakened though is if we change OUR behavior and outlook on our purpose. Before we can expect men to be better, we need look, feel, and act more feminine. "

Ladies, there are a lot of sweet gentlemen out there who still want to hold open a door for you, carry your books, or pull a chair out for you to sit down. I know it may seem 'old fashioned', and I'm not saying that all these gestures are going to come into your life on behalf of any one man, but I'm just saying, if a guy wants to hold open a door for you, please don't roll your eyes at him, then complain later that he thought you couldn't do it on your own. I love how the people that complain about a guy holding the door for them are the same people who complain when a guy doesn't hold open the door for them. It's great.

25 Random things about me

1) I have no idea what my first name means for sure, I just know Sol=sun, Maria=bitter, and I have no idea where my dad got it from, so stop asking me. Lol...

2) I turn 21 this year, no big deal to me it's just another year that God has blessed me with, and I have no interest in consuming alcohol whatsoever...

3) I have 2 "half brothers". I grew up with the oldest, Angel, and the 2nd oldest, Kevin, lives in Rhode Island at the moment, but I never call them "half-brothers" because they're both whole people [in my mind, if they're both my half brothers, that would mean I only had 1 brother...that's confusing!]I had lost touch with Kevin for 10 years, not having any idea what had become of him...but I got back in touch with him on MySpace and its as if he was always around :) Wish he didn't live so far though :(

4) I can keep a secret, most of the time because I forget what was said..

5) I miss my dad terribly, yet he lives two cities away

6) Italian food is my favorite!

7) Needles scare the crap outta me; I develop the sudden urge to faint when I'm around them

8) I love being around people, but in my own little corner...yes, Im shy

9) My name was almost "Sophia"....

10) I had a 7 year addiction to pornography from a very young age, but the Lord delivered me from it!!

11) I love animals; I always wanted to be a vet, and to this day I regret not going down that path...

12) I'm so carefree in so many ways, that a tornado could pass through and I'd be chillin' staring at the thing...

13) I wanna walk into a funeral parlor one day, in the middle of a funeral, and pray over the body of the person who passed a way and say IN THE NAME OF JESUS!! And for God to lift that person up outta the casket....I believe it!!

14) I could never take a good enough "peace sign pic" for MySpace, hence why I don't have any in my albums....

15) I'm pro-life and I'll argue with you to the grave about why abortion is wrong..

16) I can move my knuckles with a closed fist...though that's not random, I usually show people at one point or another. haha

17) I love preaching God's Word. . .Even though I'm shy, it's something that I love to do!!

18) My right thumb has a deformed nail that's cracked and grows in a zigzag shape...while the rest are fine...Don't worry, I'm not diseased or anything lol

19) Wow 19 already? This is going by fast...uhm...uhm...I like to be silly. hehe

20) I love crying.

21) I have this really bad jealousy complex...particularly guys that are close to me, I become extremely territorial and want their attention to be focused on me, and I get mad if I think that someone else is getting the spotlight from one of my best guy friends....It's sounds worse than it is. Lol. And don't worry, GOD is helping me get over it...

22) I'm a radical Pentecostal...If you thought I was crazy before, darlin' you ain't seen nothin yet!

23) I tend to over-analyze things, so much to the point where I'll be sitting there quietly, but inside I'll be thinking how ridiculous of a remark I made or whatever...

24) I've always wanted to write a book, and I just might do that...

25) Sometimes I wish I woulda stayed at Gordon, at least one more semester.

Part of my Testimony

So here I am, discussing a portion of my life story with a MAN OF GOD who is gonna preach the Word of God one day in the name of Jesus, and it dawns on me: why don't I share this with everybody else out there?
note: what I am about to tell you may be shocking, due to the fact that knowing my background I was raised in church, et cetera, I'm a girl, yadda yadda yadda...But I want all those people out there, young and old but especially the youth to understand God's purpose for your life, and no matter what you've been through or what you're going through, GOD is mighty to save. I'm not concerned about the ones who might judge me because of what I'm about to share, and I'm not concerned with the ones who after reading this will doubt the calling God has over my life. But you wanna know something? Keep doubting, keep talking, Ima keep praising God and walking, because where I'm going, there's no need to pay attention to what others are gonna say. as Pochi says, ama shake it off

Ever since I can remember I had issues with guys. Big issues. I think it stemmed from the dysfunctional relationship I had with my father. I mean I was tight with him, but I don't really remember any solid memories. all I remember is him comin around once in a blue, or promising to show up and him not coming around @ all.

In fifth grade, I was in a car with some people, including my mother and one of the ladies in church, who was driving. I had my sister sitting on my lap, and this brother was sitting to the right of me, and on the opposite side of the car, was this preacher that he came with.

This brother was about 17 years old at the time. and long story short, he basically started feeling me up in the car. I didn't know what was going on, but I didn't know what to do. Something was telling me to yell for help, but something else was telling me that it was okay because it "felt good" so I was just sitting there frozen, and no one noticed

Finally when I built up the strength to tell on him, I told my mom n she believed me, then I told my pastor at the time...but that pastor didn't believe me. 'cause she went to the kid and asked him, and he said that he was "tickling me"

I was upset, confused, angry mad. I was like 9 or 10 years old, and I was so lost. Where was my dad to defend me??? where was God??? how come nobody believed me???

Fast forward a few years later, 12 years old. It is not a coincidence, that in that same year, the Lord had baptized me with His Holy Spirit, and speaking in tongues... Following the technology age, I start to have access to a computer. Lo and behold, someone decides to start downloading certain material on there. Me being the sneaky child that I was, I snooped around, waiting to find something. . . And to this day, I don't even know what I was looking for. It is now that I understand that it was a trap set by the devil.

So there it was: full blown pornography. And I was like what is this??? I shut it off, and then left to my room. But I went back, and started watching it again.

And those feelings came back, the carnal ones I had when that guy molested me. Something continued to draw me into that. And so it continued into a seven year struggle.. .

I couldn't sleep if I didn't watch that stuff. Couldn't function normally at all. My days of going to bed thinking about running around at the playground were over. Lust plagued my mind, my heart, everything. And mind you, I was still in church. But church really wasn't in me anymore... I loved God, I wanted to look for Him, but I felt so tied down, I felt so ashamed because of that. and i let that be an excuse; that I wasn't strong enough to let that go so I couldn't serve God anymore.

I let it take over my life basically. And suffered the consequences...I won't go into full details cuz some of it Im not at liberty to discuss. But at one point I considered prostitution, going bisexual, becoming a lesbian, all because the lust I had build upon more lust. Until one day, I said NO.

(See, the enemy cannot force you to do something that you don't want to. He will lead you into it, persuade you, tell you half truths and try and get to your head and make you THINK that it's all good, but bottom line when it comes to making a choice, he cannot force you to do anything you don't want to do. Once you know how to defeat him in your mind, you're on your way!)

There came a point around last year, summertime to be exact, when I realized that what God had for me was way better than all that WAY WAY WAY better. and that if I wanted to truly be happy, I was going to have to let that go COMPLETELY, not partially...starting with what happened that day, since that was the door the enemy used to step in that area of my life in the first place.

So I did, I forgave him, I said "God I LOOSE this man from my life and every trespass he has committed against me!" and I felt free. Haven't watched pornography since, glory goes to God. what got me into God? His love.

Just the way Ive seen His hand moving in my life, how we would be here at home n not have a cent, but God would touch someone to just show up and be like "God told me to give this 100 dollars to you 'cause you need it....here take it"

Or how in the moments where I felt too weak to live or to heartbroken to do anything, God reminded me of His love, and that kept me going.... Psalms 34:18 says "The LORD is near to the brokenhearted, and saves the crushed in spirit." He is what keeps me going, every single day. And to some, it may not make sense as to why I'm here. 'Wow, you were messed up! How do you deserve that?' And friends, that's the BEAUTY of it all, is that I DON'T deserve anything that God has to offer me! I don't deserve anything that He has given me. Only by His neverending, neverfailing, Grace, Love, and Mercy am I standing here today! God loves you. The same way He loves me, and the same way as He loves my brothers and sisters. You are His, He created you with a purpose. Yeah, that's right, YOU! No matter what people tell you, or what they think of you, the only thing that matters is what GOD thinks of you, and trust me, He thinks very highly of you. =]

I am eternally grateful to Him. . .He is what keeps me going day in and day out. And in the words of brother Marvin...."Never would have made it, without You [JESUS]!!!"